Not good enough
by mirdaishan
Summary: When Greg's nightmares about his beating return, he feels too ashamed to talk to anyone about it, especially Morgan. In his eyes she is the bravest person he knows and compared to her, he just feels like he's not good enough. Does Morgan feel that way as well or does she see it differently?


**Hey everyone, time for another Morganders story! :) A one-shot this time, based on the Season 7 episode Fannysmackin, which is - as I'm sure most of you will know - the episode where Greg gets beaten up. The re-run of it was on TV here a while ago, so that's why I'm suddenly doing a story about it. I hope you like it and if you do, please let me know in a review!**

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_**Not good enough**_

_He was coming right at him, the rock in his hand. Greg's heart was beating wildly. He knew he could do only one thing to survive…_

With a shock Greg sat up in bed. It took him a few moments to realize he wasn't in his car, but safely at home, where no one could hurt him.

Slowly, he lay back down. It had been years since he had last dreamed about the attack, yet it still seemed like yesterday.

Demetrius James coming right at him…

Being pulled from his car…

The gang beating him up…

He would never been able to forget it.

After the attack he had gotten back to work quickly, pretending he was fine again. Catherine and Sara had been the ones looking after him, making sure he really was fine and standing up for him when other people seemed to have forgotten what he had been through. Behind his back, of course, because he hadn't wanted to be treated differently. After all, only two years before his attack, Nick had been buried alive and he had just gotten back to work as well.

For a moment Greg thought about everything his other team members, past and present, had been through. Nick had been buried alive, Sara had become a victim of the miniature killer, Warrick had been killed… And then there was Morgan of course: being in a hijacked helicopter, watching her father get shot and then get kidnapped and shot herself… His beating seemed like nothing compared to everything she had been through. Especially because she had been so brave, so full of power to fight… What had he done after his beating? He had cried in his hospital bed because he was too scared to tell his mother the truth about his job… Almost angry he shook his head. Compared to her he just felt like a total wimp.

When he went to work that evening, he tried to pretend everything was fine, but he couldn't hide his white face. Luckily Morgan couldn't see it as she was at a crime scene with Russell, but Finn and Nick both gave him suspicious look. Nick finally came up to him.

"You alright, man?" he worriedly asked him.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Greg lied. Nick frowned. "You're fine? You sure about that?"

Finn took a step closer. "If something's bothering you, Greg, you can tell us. Did something happen?"

He wanted to tell her so badly – just be able to talk about it with someone would really help him, he knew that for sure – but he couldn't. He shook his head. "No, nothing happened. I'm fine."

"Alright, if you don't wanna tell us…" Nick shrugged his shoulders. "Can I at least get you a cup of coffee? I was just about to make a fresh pot for me and Finn."

"Sure."

While Finn sat down, Nick started making coffee. Greg hesitated for a moment. If Finn hadn't been there, this would have been a great moment to ask Nick if he sometimes still thought about the time he had been buried alive, but since Finn was looking really comfortable on the couch, he lost his courage. Suddenly, he thought of someone else. Sara! She had been there for him back then, she would understand how much the nightmare was bothering him!

"Have either of you seen Sara?" he asked Nick and Finn, trying to sound as casual as possible.

"She's off tonight," Finn told him.

"Oh." He was unable to hide his disappointment. He quickly recovered and grabbed the cup of coffee Nick handed him. "Oh, well, I'll find her tomorrow then. Thanks for the coffee!"

He left the breakroom before either of them could say anything else. For the rest of his shift he avoided everyone and hoped they wouldn't remember his strange behavior tomorrow.

After he had gone home, he tried to get some sleep, but just like last night, the nightmares kept bothering him. When he showed up at work, this time even Henry and Hodges gave him strange looks. He avoided their questioning looks and hid himself in his office, hoping everyone would just leave him alone. He was absolutely not in the mood to talk!

"Hey…"

He looked up and saw Sara standing in the doorway. Okay, he was not in the mood to talk to anyone except for her, his only exception. He didn't even want to talk to Morgan this time, afraid she would think the same about him as he was thinking about himself right now.

"What's going on, Greg?" Sara quietly asked him.

"They came back," he immediately confessed.

"Who came back?"

"The nightmares…"

"About…"

He nodded, knowing she would understand what his nightmares were about.

"Why didn't you say so yesterday?" Sara softly said. "Nick and Finn were really worried about you!"

Greg shook his head. "I don't wanna talk to them. I don't wanna talk to anyone! Don't you understand? Everyone has been through so much and here I am, still having nightmares about something that happened years ago. I think you're the only one who understands! You took a break from this job, as only one! Nick just came back to work, Russell only took a few days off after his granddaughter had been taken, Morgan bounced right back as well after everything that happened to her… And here I am, scared to death on the inside because a few guys hit and kicked me!"

His angry tone was one Sara had never heard before.

"That's nothing to be ashamed of, Greg," she tried to reassure him.

"No? Then why do I feel like it is? Why do I feel like such a loser while everyone around me is just fine again?"

After his words he ran out. Sara didn't go after him, knowing she wasn't the one who could help him. She knew Greg's anger or shame had nothing to do with her, Nick or Russell even. It had to do with only one person, someone who hadn't been there yet after he had been beaten up. Someone he cared about, was in love with, someone he thought was so amazing and brave… And now he felt like he wasn't good enough. Sara went to find that someone, knowing no one else could help Greg.

Greg had run outside, the only place where he hoped he could be alone for a while. He knew he couldn't stay out here forever, but right now the cool night air helped him calm down a little. He hadn't meant to get so angry with Sara, she had only been trying to help him after all. He wondered if she would still want to talk to him later. Yeah, she probably would, she'd understand his anger hadn't been towards her.

"Hey."

He looked up and saw Morgan standing a few feet away from the bench he was sitting on. Normally he would love to be alone with her, but now he turned his back towards her. "I don't wanna talk to you."

"Too bad, because I do want to talk to you," Morgan said, sitting down next to him. He turned towards her to ask her to please leave him alone, but to his surprise, she kissed him. He didn't know what to say when she pulled back, a smile on her face. What had just happened?

"Greg, how can you think you're not good enough for me?" she said. "I think you're the most amazing guy ever!"

He still didn't know what to say. She took his hand and looked at him. "Sara told me what happened and what's bothering you. Why didn't you ever tell me? I never even knew! And yes, I've been through a lot too, but I can't imagine what it's like to be pulled from my car and then get beaten up by an entire gang… You have every right to be scared or to have nightmares about it, Greg, it's nothing to be ashamed of!"

"You got right back to work after everything that happened to you," he softly whispered. She forced him to look at him again when he turned his head away from her. "Yeah, and do you think I was really fine like I said I was? That I never had any nightmares? You know, the first time I flew to LA to see my Mum after being in that helicopter, I was scared to death! The entire flight I was just sitting in my chair, staring right ahead of me and holding the arm rests so tight my hands hurt after the plane had landed! And after my kidnapping… You were there when I broke down at a crime scene, I actually cried while we were processing a scene! Do you think I didn't feel ashamed about that?"

He looked up at her, a look of confusion in his eyes. "How can you be ashamed about that? I already told you back then, you're only human. It was normal after everything you had been through!"

"Exactly!" She pulled him a little closer, his arms around him. "You're only human too, Greg, it's normal for you to not feel fine after dreaming about what happened to you! People act differently when they're in unusual situations. Like when my father got shot… Do you know what I did after he got shot?"

He slowly shook his head. She looked him straight in the eye. "I kissed Hodges."

It felt like his heart stood still for a moment. What?

"Exactly," she grinned. "So what you did tonight or yesterday is nothing compared to what I did back then! Can you believe it? I just can't describe how ashamed I felt afterwards… Even more than I felt about breaking down at a crime scene… That could be explained, but kissing Hodges… There's just no explanation for that!"

"But… You just kissed me…" he whispered, being barely audible. Morgan immediately pulled him closer again, her face only inches away from his. "You think I did that because I was confused or just trying to cheer you up? Come on, Greg, I'm crazy about you! I love you so much, I thought you knew! Heck, if you asked me to marry you right now, I'd even say 'yes'!"

"Marry?" he repeated. "How about we first go out on a date before that?"

Smiling, she kissed him again, this time feeling him respond.

"Please don't ever feel ashamed again," she then whispered, her face inches away from his again. "Or that you're not good enough for me… You and I, we're both just human. Just like Russell, Sara and Nick… I'll bet you anything that if you ask Nick, he'll tell you he still has nightmares about being buried alive every now and then as well. It's only normal after you've been through something like that! Just promise me one thing…"

He looked up at her, a questioning look in his eyes. With a smile she ran her hand through his hair. "Please don't shut me out again. If you ever have nightmares about your beating again, or about whatever, just come and talk to me, please. Just don't hide from me…"

"Or do crazy things like kissing Hodges?" he carefully suggested, a little mischievous sparkle in his eyes. Grinning, she pushed him against his shoulder, knowing he was feeling much better again.

"Yes, please!" she laughed. "I still can't believe I did that… What was I thinking?"

"You weren't thinking, that's probably the whole thing," he said, shrugging his shoulders. She nodded. "True. Sometimes acting on just your emotions isn't exactly the right thing to do…"

"And sometimes it is," he softly said, pulling her a little closer. Smiling, she wrapped her arms around him again and leaned in for another kiss. Yeah, sometimes it indeed was.


End file.
